Doubt

This weekend I have really been thinking about what it will be like to move back to the lower 48. Before I had concentrated on all the good things about moving back- building my cabin, family, cheap pet food and fresh milk, fruit and veggies, a river out my backdoor, the ability to take real vacations during the summer, being able to play music loud anytime I want- as there is no neighbor on the other side of the wall, used bookstores and record shops, getting to use my LPs, having more people to visit and more things to do....

But, as anyone who knows me knows- I really do love the bush. Sometimes it is hard for me to transition back to life in the lower 48....and I haven't even been back for more than 2 months- so it is just like a vacation. What is MOVING back going to be like for me? Sometimes I just can hardly handle "civilization" as some call it! I know some people can't imagine coming up to the bush and having to deal with some of the things that are normal for me- but think about this- would you really miss these things?

-not being able to walk everywhere you NEED to go (including work)- if your car breaks down you are really in trouble.
-putting tabs on your car, getting insurance, making sure you have an updated insurance card, making sure no lights are out so you don't get pulled over, having to replace your windshield because the cops say so, even though you can see out of it just fine, having them tell you you have an expired license though you have a new one to show them
-traffic jams, road construction, stoplights, speed limits
- not having stockpiles of basic supplies, so running out and needing to go get more
-not knowing who your neighbors are- thinking it would be odd to stop and talk to a stranger on the street...or them thinking you are odd
-not being able to walk one or two blocks and be out of town
-Having to follow trespassing rules for open land- not being able to just go anywhere you want
-not having free internet because you don't live right by the school
-worrying about how the economy is going to affect your job
-being inland and not seeing the ocean
-dealing with family being upset you don't visit enough
-not having enough snow to snowshoe most of the winter
-Having to travel to get to the ski trails- not going right outside your door
-The sun setting at 9 during the summer, rather than being able to be out fishing at midnight
-Having hooded sweatshirts not be "professional enough" at work
-Following city ordinances
-Having to see cop cars...maybe even have them follow you, just waiting for you to make a mistake
-Not being able to make instant friends with people you recently met, and have those friendships be lasting
-Not hearing great adventure stories from most people you meet
-People more interested in discussing things to buy than what they can make or how they rigged something up
-Having to mow your lawn
-Not having wild berries grow everywhere around you
-Having to really wait for a bite while fishing


Am I ready to move back and have to deal with all these things again?! I am sure I will manage, but it is starting to hit me that I will miss the bush more than I gave time to think about. I feel truly at home here, I love my job, and nature is all around me. I get out and do something away from the village almost everyday, because it is so convenient to get out and away....I fear moving back I might go crazy! Good thing there is the Mississippi there, and after I get my cabin up, I think I will fit in there pretty good. With all my land and space, I might be able to get away from a lot of the things that I dread about moving back....